Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

Bargan queen

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Wed, April 19, 2017 12:00:04
In every shop,
Whether it's clothes,
Or candles,
My eye get's drawn,
To the sales items.

It has gotten so bad,
That I even do it,
In secondhandshops,
That are already,
Very cheap.

I come from a time,
Where there was not enough money,
To put food on the table,
And I had to think,
About every cent I spent.

It left a bigger mark on me,
Then I ever anticipated.

Last week,
I was in a clothing store,
And I bought a pair of earrings,
That were 8 euros,
Not a lot of money,

To me,
It felt like a big spending,
Especially if you know,
That I normally grab 8 pair of earrings,
For that price,
On the sales rack.

But something strange happened,
The earrings from 8 euros,
Haven't left my ears ever since,
I love them and wear them,
All the time.

In contradiction,
To the eight pair,
I would have bought before,
Two of them would be forgotten,
Two of them,
Would have been worn once,
And the other two,
Would have been storaged,
In a drawer of some kind,
Only to be tossed out,
After a year or so.

Price doesn't,
Or shouldn't,
Prescribe what you buy,
Love should do that,
That one item that makes your day,
Get that,
That one item that brightens your mood,
Or looks like something,
You've been looking for for years,
Go for that.

I know,
I was lucky,
That pair of earrings,
Can be bought by almost anyone,
That perfect Chanel handbag,
That's another story,
But we'll all get there in the end,
No worries.

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Good intentions

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, April 06, 2017 11:57:07
I'm not gonna lie,
Most days I sart with a growl,
One that says:
"I don't want to get out of bed",
"I don't want to do life",
Waking up begins,
With the realization,
Of all the responsibilities,
I have to face that day.

Customers who need help,
Or a new hearing aid,
Getting dinner on the table,
The list sometimes,
Feels endless.

After about an hour,
I'll sart to make good intentions,
You know,
Talking to yourself,
This is gonna be fun,
Looking forward to the day,
And the things to come.

Sometimes I'll include a reward for myself,
When it's my lunchbreak,
I'll grant myself a trip,
To a secondhandstore,
Or I'll look forward to the evening,
When everything goes quiet,
And the whole household,
Is in a blissful bubble,
And we all do something we love,
Like drawing,
Watch a movie,
Or take a good, long bath.

But most days,
I fail,
In my good intentions,
The stress gets the best of me,
Because I want to do,
All the things,
My responsibility tells me to do.

And it never works out,
I'll get some of them done,
But not all of them.

It's like my body,
Can't function,
In all areas,
At once.

It's either the household,
Or the paperwork,
Never both.

And I find it hard,
To except,
That I'm limited,
In things I actually don't want to do.

And then I snap,
To my husband,
My boss,
Or anyone that says something,
I don't like at that moment.

I always regret it,
Where were my good intentions then?
The ones that told me,
To make this a good day?

It's like a wire that gets hit,
In my brain,
Scrambling everything,
And turning me into a different person.

People say,
Selflove and selfcare,
Are the basics to a good life,
Maybe I need more of that,
The only question is,
Where do I find the time?

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My mountain

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Wed, April 05, 2017 15:16:45
I've been slacking,
On Instagram,
The blog,
In life.

My mind,
And soul,
Have been taken over by one thing,
In the past few months.

My mountain,
My driver's license.

For years,
People have been telling me,
To get it.

"It's your freedom", a girl I know,
"What if something happens to me, and you can't drive?", my husband,
"It would make things so easy", my grandmother,
"We could go shopping", my daughter,
"You'll regret it later", a customer.

I heard it,
I understood it,
But I didn't want it.

To me,
A car,
Is a big machine,
That is hard to control,
But I gave it a shot.

I passed my theoretic exams over three years ago,
After two years my husband started to teach me how to drive,
See how motivated I was?

It was horror for him,
Driving a girl that panicked about every single thing,
"What do I have to do?",
I shouted more than once.

He stayed calm,
Reassured me all the time,
I could do this.

Turned out,
I couldn't,
I failed,

The third time,
Was yesterday,
After multiple driving lessons from a school,
With different teachers,
That all told me,
I could drive,
And that I shouldn't worry.

As I was waiting,
To take my exam,
For the third time,
In that awful waiting room,
Holding a token for good luck,
That my daughter made,
I realized I approached it wrong,
The first two times.

All I did,
Was pray for it to be over fast,
An exam takes 40 minutes,
And it seemed like a lifetime to me,
But I got my wish,
Both exams were over quickly.

The first time took me about 15 minutes,
To get back,
The second time,
Felt like ten.

I made dumb mistakes,
Because I was so nervous.

The third time,
Had to be the good one,
If I failed,
I would face a way more difficult exam,
Because the law is changing in June,
Making it harder,
To pass,
And to keep your license if you do,
After 6 months of passing,
You'll have to take your exam,

I changed tactics,
As I was sitting in the waiting room,
This time I didn't wish for the exam to be over soon,
I wished for calm,
A good exam,
A positive result,
And a positive examinator.

My heart was pounding,
My knees were shaking,
But I'm proud to say,
I passed.

It was a surreal moment,
When I finally got that verdict,
And I'm not sure,
If it has fully sunk in yet,
That I,
Can drive a car.

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Free as a bird

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Mon, March 20, 2017 15:05:15
I've been called a fool,
A freak,
A loner,
An idealist,
A weirdo,
And a stubborn idiot.

I used to care,
About what people said,
I used to feel,
Like an alien,
On this planet.

Someone who was dropped here,
With an illusion,
Of how the world can be,
How we can conquer anything,
About how life can be amazing,
If we just decide that it is.

I try to teach my children,
That they can be anything,
Do anything,
They want,
I try to tell them that they are beautiful,
And cared for.

Not only by their parents,
But by the whole universe,
If they send out the good,
If they think in terms of love,
And that if they hold on,
To their beliefs,
Anything can happen,
And everything is possible.

Even tough I try to teach them,
They evenly teach me,
To hold on,
To what I love,
And not let the negativity,
Influence my existence.

With them,
And my husband,
I truly believe,
That together,
We can do anything,
That we can reach every star,
Every dream,
And any hope we hold in our hearts.

When I started holding on to the good,
I got signs,
Small ones,
And giant ones,
To keep holding on,
If this was what I really wanted.

And from now on,
I can truly say,
This is what I want,
Without regret,
Or feeling stupid.

My dream may be different than yours,
But it's mine,
And just like you,
I have a right to hold on to it,
To believe in it,
And to go for it.

Hold on to that dream,
Whoever you are,
Whatever you are doing,
No matter what your situation is,
Keep that vision,
It's your right,
It's the wish of your heart,
And the destiny of your soul.

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Les folies de Sofie

FashionPosted by Fashiondisaster Mon, March 06, 2017 18:02:26
Little girls with dreams,
Become women with vision,
It's one of my favorite quotes,
And it's such an inspiration,
When you find someone,
Who lives up to that quote.

When Sofie was little,
She loved nothing more,
Than her grandmother's jewelry box,
She could play for hours,
With all the beautiful jewelry inside.

That is where her dream,
Of making her own,

As a young woman,
She made that dream come true,
Making beautiful creations,
All to help other women,
Feel empowered,
And special.

Every creation,
Is handmade,
and one of a kind.

I got the privilege,
To ask her some questions:

Q: Where do you get the inspiration for your designs?

A: That is very wide. It's mostly things that touch me, like an exhibition, architecture, geometric forms,...

Q: How long does it take to make one piece?

A: That depends.
It's hard to put an exact number of hours to it but it does take hours.
You start out with designing the piece, then you look for the right materials and make a prototype.
Only after that you start building the collection.
Matching rings, earrings, bracelets,... It's a long but fulfilling proces.

Q: What kind of materials do you love using in your designs?

A: The most preferred is silver 925 but I love combinations with gems.
It just gives it that little extra.
My favorites are: garnet stone, hematite, hoplite, agate and onyx.

Q: What is your favorite collection?

A: I'm very proud of the "Find your wild" collection:

Q: What is your favorite design?

A: Definitely this ring! I would have love to have kept it for myself.
It was a real challenge, especially finding the right gem.
I loved the proces.

You can find her website here:
Or send her a friendly e-mail here:
Want to make an appointment right away?
Call her here: 0495/65.20.23

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This is for anyone

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Fri, March 03, 2017 16:50:04
This is for anyone,
Out there,
Who feels like,
They don't belong,
In this world,
Their family,
Or their circle of friends.

This is for anyone,
Who feels like the outcast,
The black sheep,
Because they see things differently,
Than the rest of their world.

The ones that love to stay up,
All night,
Playing games,
Or just looking at the stars.

The ones that are different,
And have to face,
Charges for it everyday.

Why don't you get a normal job?
Why don't you settle down?
Why don't you act your age?

To all of you,
Out there,
Around the globe,
I just want to say,
Stay strong.

Keep that dream,
That no one else seems to see,
That beat in your heart,
That knows what makes you happy.

And when the time is right,
I know you will stand up,
For yourself,
And that dream.

And all the other outcasts of the world,
Will stand with you,
And admire you,
Because you held on,
Because you didn't give up.

And you will become a beacon,
Of hope,
One that others will cling to,
To follow their path,
Their crazy dream.

Hold on,
We need you.

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The world

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Sun, January 22, 2017 12:08:12
How it was made,
Is an issue,
That has been discussed,
Many times,
And honestly,
I haven't got a real clue,
On what to believe.

But fact is,
It was made,
It exists,
And with it,
Came millions of creatures,
The list goes on,
And on.

I often wondered,
What gave us the right,
To be considered,
As something more,
Then all of the above.

We clame to be the most intelligent,
Because we can communicate,
We can invent,
And we can evolve.

When I watch other creatures,
I see communication,
And evolution,
But I never see hate.

With us,
We have not only declared ourselves,
To be the best species,
We also have the nerve,
To tell the world,
That some races,
Are better than others.

Why do we keep doing that?
History is filled with wars,
And conflict,
Because of race,
Or color.

It breaks my heart,
The world belongs to everyone,
We all need to feel safe,
Not just one race,
That is willing to do,
Whatever it takes,
Because they are afraid,
Of the unknown.

I hope,
That the women's march,
Wasn't a one time thing,
And that we all continue,
To stand up to something,
That isn't right <3

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The pressure is on

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, January 19, 2017 14:54:10
This morning,
I read an article about social anxiety,
People told little things,
About how they felt,
When they had to do something social,
And how it freaked them out,
And how they reacted to it.

One person couldn't go in,
When invited to a party,
And just waited half an hour outside,
In the car,
And then drove home,
Without stepping a foot inside.

Another talked about how they repeated,
Something they wanted to say,
Over and over in their head,
Making sure it wasn't stupid,
But when the time was there,
To actually say it,
It wasn't relevant anymore.

More and more cases,
Of anxiety are being reported,
Some people can't even leave their homes,
Because of the fear,
That they will do,
Or say something that isn't good enough,
That they aren't good enough.

It is something that I, sadly,
Experience in my own life as well,
We are pressured,
To do everything right,
Preferably perfect.

The standards are too high,
None of us,
Can reach them,
It's merely impossible,
And the pressure is affecting our health,
And our mind.

My favorite place in the world,
Is home,
With my husband,
And kids,
Where I can be myself,
Being weird,
Without anyone of them,
Frowning on it.

Last night I walked around like a goof,
Doing impressions,
Silly bits,
And some sketches,
They all loved it,
Encouraged me to go on,
And do more of those silly things.

But put me outside,
With a crowd I don't know,
Or with people that are further away from me,
And I will shut down.

I'll become quiet,
Sensing what is appropriate,
What won't make me look stupid,
Or dumb,
It gets me questioning,
My looks,
My appearance.

It's very demeaning,
And tough I know,
It's in my head,
It's very hard,
To break,
With this.

I wish the world was a safe place,
One that was filled with people,
That shouldn't feel afraid to be themselves,
I can't set an example,
But maybe,
Just maybe,
We can find each other,
And know,
That we are not alone.

You can always contact me, if you feel the need, at:

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