Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

Job Wise

Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, October 31, 2013 10:37:20
One of the hardest things in life is finding a job that suits you.

You start out in kindergarten, figure of speech, thinking you'll grow up to be a doctor or a vet but when the years pass you find out that school is hard.
Studying gets boring and a lot of us drop out.

We want to make money, and, in the beginning, the small paycheck feels like a new life.
But then we get married, we get children, and with that comes the regret.
The "what if's".

My "what if's" aren't about my studies, mine are about the job itself.
I get bored so easily that a job, most of the time, only suits me for a few months.
After that, I need a change.

My current job is in the audioligy.
Basicly I help people getting an hearing aid and am able to adapt it to their needs, on the computer.
I learned it in a few months, along with the paper work.

Everything went great but now a co-worker is messing up my work.
What do you do then?
Give up?
Face it head on?

I really don't know...

I'm really struggeling with it at the moment and can't seem to find a solution.

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Things that make me smile

Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, July 04, 2013 20:24:16
Sometimes you have days that suck, we need to be honest, days when everything is too much and you want to curl up in bed, under the covers, and stay there for the rest of your life.

My life is filled with days like that and I'm always looking for things to cheer me up again and keep me going.

One of them is music, happy music

Songs that make you feel alive.

My favorites at the moment:

- What I wouldn't do - A Fine Frenzy

- Hello hello - Elton John

I'm quite freaky with music, I have periods that I listen to certain songs about fifty times a day, don't know why.

Movies and series

Me and my hubby are addicts, we don't like scary things but love things that make us laugh our inspire.

We also appreciate a good detective.

Seen the last weeks:

- Un plan parfait (movie)

- The big C (series)

- Gnomeo and Julliet (with the children)

- The Cazalets (series - vintage)

- Call the midwife (beautiful series)

- The Jane Austen book club (movie)

And currently watching: The good wife


I love quotes!

One of them can brighten your day, give you a totally new feeling and a different view on what you were worrying about.

Some of my favorites:

Maybe a bit shallow but life is short, if you want something, just go for it!

When everything looks lost, just laugh, and everything changes

Always be proud of yourself, you are perfect just the way you are!

You're really not, life only moves forward, and so do you

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Something different

Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Tue, November 27, 2012 09:43:52
I'll let you all in on a little secret, I'm a real sucker for astrology...

I know a lot of people think it's just for entertainment and find it fun to read about their sign, but I just found out that the past few weeks Mercury was retrograde.

If this sounds like Chinese to you then you have to stick around and find out what it means, it may clarify some things that have been going on in your life the past couple of weeks.

Mercury is a small planet that is the nearest one to the sun.
He is a little bugger because he is the one that goes retrograde 3 or 4 times a year and always for a period from approximately 3 weeks.

Going retrograde means that it looks like the planet makes a stop and goes backwards, back to where he came from.
It's just an illusion of course, planets don't go back, they only move forward, but look at it as if you are in a train.

And another train leaves at the same time but yours is moving faster.

It will look like the other train is going backwards, the same illusion works for the planets.

Now, what so wrong about our little Mercury?
You know those days when everything seems to go wrong?
People misinterpret what you are saying, messages get lost, long waiting times, your computer breaks down or your credit card gets lost.
You've guessed it, that's our tiny planet going backwards.

Nobody knows why this happens but, despite of all the little aggravations that we experience when this happens, there is an upside.
It's like a little pause in your life, a break from the rat race, a time to over think everything.

If you want as much advantage as possible out of this period, keep these things in mind:


- sign a contract
- accept a new job
- start a new relationship
- buy a car, house or boat
- move
- start an important project
- expect everything to go smoothly


- reexamen the facts
- rewrite (retrograde Mercury is indispensable for writers)
- change your opinion
- relive the past
- confirm reservations
- repair things
- do the jobs that you had put on hold
- correct mistakes
- organise
- catch up with your correspondence
- always carry a book or magazine with you (Mercury going backwards causes long waiting times and your cell might go dead on you, so, just to keep you busy and entertained)

Sometimes you barely notice Mercury going retrograde, other times he causes a stream of detours and roadblocks, what's the difference?
The difference is in where he stands, is it in your own sign?

Then you'll be bothered by it...

But as said in the beginning, his retrograde time just ended, we can all breathe again and carry on, with fresh hope and new perspectives.

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Defy gravity

Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Mon, August 13, 2012 16:54:05
About a year ago I bought a book filled with pictures of tattoos, I loved it because it had an explanation next to every picture why somebody had chosen that specific tattoo.

One of the first pictures I saw was from a girl's back, that had the words: "Defy gravity" written on it.

The explanation told me that it was from a musical called "Wicked" and that, whenever she heard those words, she felt like she could do anything.

It made sense and I looked it up.

The song was everything I expected from it, a powerful and happy song that speaks to your heart and really makes you feel like you can defy gravity.

So many people in this world, and we all have our hopes and dreams, wishes and a desire to make a change.

A change in our love-life, a change in our finances, our car or even our wardrobe.

Our life is filled with a desire to change.

Some people even want to change the world, they want to cure aids, want to fight hunger in this world or want to change the life of an animal.

We want to mean something, we want to stand for something and we want to be remembered, remembered for something we did, something we've changed or just for who we were.

But it's been proven more than once that it is hard to be yourself, there is a society outside your door with an opinion, a vision about how your life should be.

How you should dress, how you should talk, what you should do, and so on.

And it never seems to be enough, it never seems to be right because when you do well financially people get jealous and start talking about your habits changing or when you find love, they'll find something to talk about that isn't good enough.

Maybe your partner is too old, too tall, too poor or too rich.

We all have to deal with this kind of judgement but what happens when you really cross a boundary of society?

What if you live on the streets?

What if you want to write for a living?

When you want to stay home to take care of your children?

But the worst boundary you can cross these days seems to be that you are gay.

A few months ago a flemish singer finally came out of the closet, he kept it hidden for over 30 years because he was scared about his future, that people would ban him from radio and television.

And yesterday I read about a law in a state of America that would forbid relationships between two people of the same sex.

I can't help but wonder, when I read that, has the world gone mad?

How has it come this far?

How did we let it come this far that we live in a society that determines who you can love? Who you can be with? Who you can marry?

Maybe the biggest change we should all make and strive to make is a change in the consciousness of the society, of the world.

We all have our "weak" spots, but that is a bad word for it because those "weaknesses" make us who we are.

They define us and make us different people, with different choices, different lives, different views and a different experience.

It actually are our strengths.

They show other people that there are no boundaries, we can always take it to a next level, we can cross that line and nothing bad will happen.

People believed for years that the earth was flat and that, when you sailed to far with your ship, you would fall off.

Somebody was brave enough to try it, and he didn't fall, on the contrary...

Maybe we should all learn to live and let live, more then anything else we should embrace the differences and let them shine a light on something new, something we hadn't seen before, something we can learn from without judging.

This will open our minds, this will wake us up to who we are and what we want.

We will look to ourselves and that, at the moment, to me, is defying gravity.

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Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, August 02, 2012 21:39:18
Hi everyone,

Today we cleared the hallway, it was very necessary, but the weird thing is that we, people, have a way of adapting to circumstances...

We were almost unable to pass trough (my grandma was always scared that she would break a hip when she entered to pick up her grandchildren, this gives you an idea of how bad it looked...) but we adapted to it.

It was hard to get in and we hurt ourselves a couple of times but it never seemed to be enough to change it...

We got so used to it that we left it and kept busy with other things, things that occupied our minds more like: how are we going to pay our bills?

But what if the base of all the problems is that hallway? Or that overstuffed garage?

Or our basement that was filled with water (at least 30 cm high) because of heavy storms last winter?

I wonder... If a house is a reflection of who we are then we looked really crappy...

It's a bit like fashion... Fashion is (to me) about really speaking out who we are, we can make a statement, we can shout out to the world: "Look at me! Here I am! Like it or not, I don't care!", even if you are very shy or not very communicative, by what you wear people will know who you are.

Take a look at famous people, singers mostly, they really tell their fans about who they are by what they wear.

What they say is important as well, off course, but what they wear gets criticized just as much.

Remember Lady Gaga before she got famous?

Do you still know how much she got judged and commented on?

And now she is, basically, a hero!

People standing outside of concerts to see a glimpse of the person they admire, wearing the same kind of clothes, singing along with all the songs, telling them that they love them and want to marry them...

And by that last thing, I wonder... If I was that famous person, I would feel loved but so misunderstood... Because... You know the outside of that person but the inside, doesn't that count anymore..?

How can you know you love someone and what do you love about that person when it's someone famous? Is it a superficial love? Is it for fun? Do they just wanna sleep with them? And for what? For fame?

I remember an article in the paper a few years ago that was about a fan from Robbie Williams, she claimed that she had spent the night with him.

My first instinct was that it was true but why do you run to a paper to sell that story? Where is your love then?

Or was it the love for money and fame that was the reason all along?

It would drive me crazy, never knowing who your friends are, who loves you for you, who wants something from you, why is someone friendly..?

How do you handle that?

How do you live with that?

I could never sell someone out for money, money is a tool that helps you realize your dreams and, just like everyone else, I want lots of it, but I want it to get my mind of stupid things like: how am I gonna get a new dishwasher when I have no money?(ours broke down yesterday) and how much is it gonna cost me when a friend asks me to grab a bite.

I have faith in this life, this universe that feels so weird but it always helps me out when I can't see the end of the tunnel, when the sky seems to be filled with dark clouds and no silver lining, I believe, I hope and I love.

I love all those strange people that I don't know, have never seen before and will probably never see again.

I love them all for being who they are, in the best way they can.

I love them for the statements they make, even if I don't agree.

And maybe that is what drives us all...

We love someone to find ourselves, to find out what we want, what suits us, what makes us happy, what makes us who we are.

And the best thing is... We can change it whenever we want.

It's like putting on a new outfit, we can do it every week, every day, every hour or every minute.

We can try a different model, a different color or a different size.

Keep trying till something fits and keep believing that what you are searching for is in store, I'm sure you'll find it, just like I will.

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Who are you?

Soul-searchingPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, August 02, 2012 11:52:44
With the blog I did yesterday, I just couldn't resist posting this picture I just found on Facebook.

This kitty just had an epiphany about who he is :)

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