Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

Cold fashion

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Wed, December 07, 2016 14:20:12
I'm not the most fashionable girl,
Never was,
Never will be,
I often mix the wrong shoes,
With the right dress,
Or buy a handbag,
That doesn't fit,
With anything in my wardrobe.

I'm a bit of an impulsive buyer,
I don't make lists,
With things I need,
Not even when I go grocery shopping,
And just follow my gut,
What I like,
I grab,
What I don't like,
I put back,
It's quite simple.

So my wardrobe consists,
Out of none matching things,
Combined with secondhand finds,
Mostly totally weird things,
In colors nobody uses anymore,
New things,
Mostly on sale,
But it's a happy bunch,
And most of the time,
They all get along.

But then,
Winter sneaks in,
Bringing cold and frost with him,
It's a he, right?

And it's like it blows,
All the fashion apart,
I just look for warm things,
So I don't freeze,
Because I'm always cold,
Did I mention that yet?

At the moment,
I'm wearing purple (yes, impulse buy),
Ugg looking boots,
4 layers of tops and sweaters,
Two sweaters,
And when I go outside,
I throw a coat over it,
In color blocking style,
Brown and bleu,
With a hoodie,
With fake fur.

What happened?
I was on my way to work,
And I just wondered,
What happened?

I had to walk,
So I dreaded the heels that I picked out this morning,
Beautiful cognac boots,
But no,
I decided to change them for the purple ones this afternoon,
Because the heating at work is broken,
And I chose comfort over nice looking.

I'm wearing a white fluffy sweater,
With a cat face on it,
Because it looked warm,
I sound like a cat lady,
Hopeless and lonely,
But I'm not,

I'm just cold,
And dying for some comfort.

If you should see me,
Passing you by,
In a ridiculous outfit,
Just ignore it,
I'm just trying to get trough winter,
I'll be back in spring,
Think of it as a hibernation,
And feel free to take it with me,
I'll be less lonely.

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The mess in me needs the order in you

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Tue, November 29, 2016 14:44:41
Opposites attract,
So they say,
Messy leans to organized,
Hectic to calm,
We search for that side,
That we seem to lack,
For ourselves,
In someone else.

My husband started talking about it,
What makes people connect to each other,
And makes them decide,
To give it a try,

I went blanc,
For a few moments,
I admit,
Who knows why?

Why do we think one guy is cute,
And the other is not,
What are the foundations for love,
For relationships?

Most girls have a wish list,
He has to be funny,
Or cute,
Or creative,
Or a real prince charming.

Aren't we putting ourselves up for disappointment,
With those lists?
When did we become a grocery shopping mom,
When it comes to men?

And when we find one,
We start picking about things,
We tare him apart,
Wanting to know everything about him,
His childhood,
And most of the time,
We don't really like what we hear,
"Ow, shé was very good at cooking, was she?",
That bitch.
Never met her,
Out of his life for ten years,
And still...
It stings.

It amazes me,
That men and women actually come together,
And can have a healthy relationship,
Because we are so damn different...

I think the key is,
To have some matching points,
Like it is in friendships,
You can't be friends with someone who thinks wildly different,
On something you value very high,
So don't expect it to work in a relationship,
When you want babies,
And marriage,
And he doesn't,
You're screwed.

You'll make him change his mind,
He'll come round,
You'll make him see,
But what if you don't?
Or even worse,
What if you do,
And he ends up hating you for it?

It are tricky things,
They make us question ourselves,
Am I really that boring,
Because I don't want to skydiving with him?
And they make us act,
In a way,
That we want to please the other person more,
Then we want to be ourselves.

When a relationship is good,
You will feel safe,
To be yourself,
Without being judged,
And the differences you have,
Either big or small,
Will be in the background,
The things you have in common,
Will come forward,
And make you feel loved.

Like you found an accomplice.

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It's official

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Tue, November 22, 2016 21:41:06
When I was younger,
I was never really interested in clothes,
I had one favorite shirt,
Because it had glitter on it,
And even when it was two sizes too small,
I refused to let it be thrown away,
You know,
Crying and stuff,
When someone just mentioned "Don't you think it's time..?",

When I was a teenager clothes didn't do much for me either,
It just had to be different,
I had two favorite pairs of jeans,
One was covered in paint,
The other was entirely made,
Of patches of different jeans,
My grandfather hated it,
I didn't care.

They all had wide legs,
Like in the 70's,
The bigger,
The better,
And I wore them with Vans skater shoes,
Two sizes too big,
On purpose,
Of course.

Now that I'm 30,
It's official,
When it comes to clothes,
I'm an addict,
And a bit of a hoarder.

Yesterday it happened,
My closet was full,
Really full,
No gaps,
No little places to squish in another sweater,
No more room floor for an extra pair of shoes,
So it happened.

On my terras,
From the bedroom,
I have my little corner,
With a sort of closet,
It's made out of bamboo,
With three shelfs,
And normally used for plants,
I think,
I used it for candles,
Inspirational thingies.

Not anymore,
It now keeps my clothes,
That don't fit,
In my indoor dressing anymore.

It sounds bad,
I know,
But hear me out,
All these clothes,
Are rescues,
I get them out of sale bins,
At secondhand stores,
Where no one ever bothers to look,
Because they are too old,
Or too weird.

I can spent hours,
Shifting trough them,
Finding jewels,
That no one else seems to want,
Unique pieces,
Sometimes even vintage.

And I love them,
I love them all,
And I can't move them aside,
I have to take them with me,
Wear them,
And give them a second chance.

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PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Wed, November 16, 2016 19:53:11
We all know it,
It's never pleasant,
And we all like to avoid it.

We all take pills for it,
But what I never realized is,
That those pills do just that,
Kill the pain,
They don't solve anything,
They just numb the nerve that is responsible for it,
For a few hours,
And then you have to take another one.

My husband has a degree in Chinese medicine,
So when we started dating,
And got married,
I was introduced to acupuncture,
And herbs.

For my terrible menstruation,
It works really well,
I get acupuncture once a month,
And it kills of my PMS,
And pains,
Most of the time.

In Chinese medicine,
It is believed,
That every organ is connected to another,
Like your bowels,
They can cause you a headache,
And the liver will be stimulated,
When you are lovesick,
So you'll get mad,
And can step over that bad lover who cheated on you,
Sort of.

In the years it made me realize,
That whenever our body aches,
It's just trying to tell us something.

When you have a bad headache,
It can be just about the fact,
That you haven't been drinking enough,
And that your body needs some water,
When the pain is more orientated in your neck,
It's stress,
You need to relax,
And when it's in front,
You need sleep.

But nowadays,
We don't have time to listen to our own body,
Time is spent on work,
Tasks ahead,
Causing us stress,
Leaving us tired,
And taking a pill,
Is just more easy.

But I discovered,
That taking a warm bath,
With a few candles,
A good magazine,
Or a book,
Can solve most of my problems.

Next time you feel a pain,
Or a discomfort,
Take some time,
To listen to your body,
It's just trying to communicate with you,
So you can take better care of yourself,
And you truly deserve that you know.

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I hate the moon

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Sun, November 13, 2016 14:20:58
Not really,
Just at the moment.

It's some kind of supermoon now,
And it's making sure,
We all feel emotional,
Going from crying to laughing,
And right back.

It's a moon,
That is supposed to make us able,
To let go of things we don't need anymore,
Whether it's stuff in our home,
Our things from the past,
That still linger in our system,
And don't serve us anymore.

I don't know about you,
But this moon is pulling all my strings,
My emotions,
And soul look drained,
Like I'm completely empty,
And it won't get filled up very soon.

I've been clinging to my husband,
Like a small kitty cat,
Looking for comfort,
And love,
And I don't even know why,
And at the same time,
A few moments after,
I can snap,
And bite his head off,
Not literally,
But you know what I mean.

The good news,
Being sarcastically,
Is that it will last till the end of the year,
Two more months,
Of feeling it all,
I'm so happy,

When it passes,
I'm sure,
I will appreciate it,
The things I left behind,
The new beginnings,
And all that,
But at the moment I can barely lift myself into my bath,
And I love taking baths,
But my body just doesn't seem to be up for it.

Maybe we should see this,
As a time of self-care,
Focusing on ourselves,
Being a bit selfish,
Saying "no" more,
To things we don't want to do.

In a way,
That does make me feel a bit better,
Putting myself first,
Not work,
Not the household,
But ourselves.

Regaining energy,
For the new year,
Finally doing the things we want to do,
And just making it happen.

Thanks moon,
That was a great insight,
Can I have my body and soul back,

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PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, November 10, 2016 09:19:08
I'm not a political person,
I don't watch the news,
Or read the newspaper,
Not out of disinterest,
Or lack of knowledge,
But because it depresses me.

When the news is on,
I'll get caught up in it,
Things that are said,
Are so distant,
And judgmental sometimes,
That you would find me screaming at the tv,
Like someone can hear me.

Since no one has any message in that,
I stopped watching.

My husband keeps informed,
And tells me what I need to know,
Like the elections in America,
A lot of the time I would find him,
Watching YouTube video's about débats,
Or things that were said,
And done.

I watched the Apprentice,
I've seen Donald Trump before,
And I never cared for the guy,
But live and let live,
Was a good way to handle that.

Now that he is president,
He'll be harder to ignore,
His voice is loud,
His opinions,
In my mind,
Are so wrong,
So dysfunctional,
So outdated.

I had hope,
That the world would follow the road,
That Obama created,
A peaceful one,
A road that only led forward,
One that felt safe,
To walk.

Now I see,
That history truly repeats itself,
All the time,
And I have often wondered,
Why that is.

Many answers have passed my mind,
Over the years,
And I still can't pin it down,
To one that is correct.

I guess,
The best option is,
That we need to learn,
From our triumphs,
But also from our mistakes,
And we need to learn together,
To move forward.

The lesson that was taught,
By Bush,
Hasen't fully sunk in yet,
With a lot of people,
And needs to be repeated.

It sounds unfair,
To the ones that did pass,
Like we all have to take the same exam again,
Although we already know the answer,
And succeeded the last time.

All I can say,
Is that we are in this together,
All of us,
Even me,
Living across the world,
From America,
I feel the pain,
The hurt,
And the injustice.

But when we stand tall,
And remember what we have learned,
Standing together,
Not forgetting the answer,
And keep trying,
To explain it to the ones,
That can't see it yet,
In a kind and gentle way,
Then I believe that a change is possible.

Hang on America,
Hang on world,
Yes, we can.

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Modern man

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Tue, November 08, 2016 21:15:48
It's time,
To write a post,
About my son,
When you see pictures of me,
It's mostly my daughter,
Who poses with me,
Because he's a bit camera shy,
Like most men,
I guess.

But when it comes to our home,
The household and stuff,
He's really a modern man,
He will suggest to vacuum,
Without me even implying it,
When I'm folding laundry,
He'll ask me,
If he can help.

My daughter is a different story,
She hates doing chores,
And is a champ,
In leaving things everywhere,
All around the house,
Even in the toilet room.

I'll find her dirty socks,
Next to the toilet,
Inside out,
Of course,
And it amazes me,
Why would you take off your socks,
When you're on the toilet?

My son's room can be messy too,
Don't get me wrong,
Laundry spread across the floor,
Little plastic balls,
That he shot against the wall,
With his air gun,
But when I put the laundry basket back,
He cleans it up.

When I ask him to clean up his room,
He'll do it,
And it will be clean,
My daughter will mope,
For what seems like an hour,
Get started eventually,
And then do it in a way,
That it's done quickly,
But not thoroughly,
Remember stuffing things under the bed?
That's her.

Two kids,
Same parents,
Totally different,
And still,
So the same,
Longing for approval,
And always kind,
When they need to be,
Because don't get me wrong,
My daughter is a sweetheart,
But from girls,
You kind of expect them to be that.

Are the sloppy ones,
The ones that sit in front of the tv,
For hours,
Playing games,
Climbing trees,
Both my kids do that,
But when I need help,
With anything,
My son is the first one to turn to,
He'll carry my bags,
After shopping for groceries,
Making me feel very small,
When a boy that is 11,
Carries both bags,
Leaving you your hands free,
With all the people you pass staring,
Making me feel like it's child abuse.

But he won't let me take the bags,
Not even one,
He needs them both,
For balance,
And when I try to take them from him,
He'll pull away,
"No, mom",
In a calm voice,

I didn't raise him like this,
I never told him to carry my bags,
Or to ask me if he could help,
With anything,
He just mopped the living floor,
I didn't ask,
Or imply,
He just did,
Because he loved doing it,
And once he gets started,
He finds it hard to stop.

He deserves this blog,
These words,
Because he's a modern man,
And I can't wait to see how he keeps evolving.

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PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Sat, November 05, 2016 17:50:42
We all do it,
We put people in boxes,
Little boxes,
Because our mind gets overwhelmed everyday,
And we need to make snap decisions.

I caught myself the other day,
When doing groceries,
I always check the groceries from the person before me,
Because let's be honest,
What else can you do while you are waiting at a cash till?

The girl in front of me had blond hair,
Not her natural color,
And she was wearing a lot of make-up,
All her clothes were labeled,
And her groceries consisted,
Of healthy things,
Starbucks coffee,
And a gossip magazine.

I admit it,
I made a snap decision,
A bad one,
One I can't say out loud,
Except to my husband,
And as I did,
I felt bad.

What do I really know about this girl?
Absolutely nothing,
Maybe she was having a bad day and needed some gossip,
Maybe she has a health problem,
That requires her to eat healthy,
And that coffee was her treat.

All day long,
We are bombarded with information,
Mostly about things that are bad,
You can't vote for her,
Or him,
You can't trust those people,
You should be aware of this,
And that.

No wonder our brain,
Puts people in boxes,
To make sure,
It doesn't fry.

But we are all people,
With a heart,
And a life,
Filled with little problems,
And big problems,
We all have moments,
When nothing seems to make sense anymore.

We all have dreams,
That never seem to get fulfilled,
Visions of a better life,
Where we can be what we want.

There is a quote that says:
"Traveling is the only thing that costs money but makes you richer",
Visiting Istanbul,
Opened my mind,
Made me see why Turkish people in Belgium,
Can cross a street without looking,
If you don't do that over there,
You will never cross a street,
Or why they can still leave litter on the ground,
There are people who clean that up,
All day,
It's a job,
They get paid for it.

And do you remember,
When you were a kid,
We threw litter on the ground too,
It wasn't a crime back then,
Like it is now.

I feel like,
Our minds are being kept small,
On purpose,
When we were children,
Nothing mattered,
Like it does,
As a grown up.

I've been cleaning our house for the past two days,
And I've been doing it like a kid,
Not in a clumsy way like,
"I'll just shove everything under the bed and I'm done",
But in a way that makes me happy,
Hanging pictures in unexpected places,
Like on the toilet mirror,
Lighting just as much candles as I want,
Not the amount that is appropriate,
Or stylish,
Without a worry,
That I will run out.

I dare you,
To find your inner child,
And go crazy,
With the things you love,
Wether it's clothes,
Your interior,
Or your hair,
Trust me,
You'll feel a lot better,
And you'll lose sight of all the small boxes,
That kept you small,
Without you even knowing it <3

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