Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

The pressure is on

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Thu, January 19, 2017 14:54:10
This morning,
I read an article about social anxiety,
People told little things,
About how they felt,
When they had to do something social,
And how it freaked them out,
And how they reacted to it.

One person couldn't go in,
When invited to a party,
And just waited half an hour outside,
In the car,
And then drove home,
Without stepping a foot inside.

Another talked about how they repeated,
Something they wanted to say,
Over and over in their head,
Making sure it wasn't stupid,
But when the time was there,
To actually say it,
It wasn't relevant anymore.

More and more cases,
Of anxiety are being reported,
Some people can't even leave their homes,
Because of the fear,
That they will do,
Or say something that isn't good enough,
That they aren't good enough.

It is something that I, sadly,
Experience in my own life as well,
We are pressured,
To do everything right,
Preferably perfect.

The standards are too high,
None of us,
Can reach them,
It's merely impossible,
And the pressure is affecting our health,
And our mind.

My favorite place in the world,
Is home,
With my husband,
And kids,
Where I can be myself,
Being weird,
Without anyone of them,
Frowning on it.

Last night I walked around like a goof,
Doing impressions,
Silly bits,
And some sketches,
They all loved it,
Encouraged me to go on,
And do more of those silly things.

But put me outside,
With a crowd I don't know,
Or with people that are further away from me,
And I will shut down.

I'll become quiet,
Sensing what is appropriate,
What won't make me look stupid,
Or dumb,
It gets me questioning,
My looks,
My appearance.

It's very demeaning,
And tough I know,
It's in my head,
It's very hard,
To break,
With this.

I wish the world was a safe place,
One that was filled with people,
That shouldn't feel afraid to be themselves,
I can't set an example,
But maybe,
Just maybe,
We can find each other,
And know,
That we are not alone.

You can always contact me, if you feel the need, at:

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