Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

Childhood dreams

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Sat, December 10, 2016 11:10:44
When I was a kid,
I had the wildest dreams,
And the weirdest imagination,
I would make up stories,
Where I was a lion,
Or a unicorn,
I could fly,
And I could be a guardian,
Of a castle.

Whenever there were other kids around,
I would drag them with me,
In a magical world,
That felt so natural,
That it looked real.

We'd be flapping our sleeves,
From our jackets,
Pretending we were flying ponies,
Or imagining a towel,
To be the only safe place on the grass,
So we had to stay on it,
Or we would be eaten,
By a crocodile.

Today I wondered,
And asked my husband,
Wen did we lose that?
What happens to that kid,
When it grows up,
And becomes an adult,
That is filled with worries,
And pain?

Is it really because of the experiences,
We had,
In our childhood,
Like books and stuff always make us believe?
Or is something else going on?

When I think back,
I had things in my youth,
That certainly had an impact on me,
But I don't remember developing worries,
And physical pain until I was 17.

School wasn't going well,
Personal circumstances weren't great,
And I felt like a failure,
Someone who didn't belong in the place where she was.

Why is that?
Is it because our surroundings start to consider us a grown up?
An adult,
Who should start to learn to live by the rules?

And who made up those rules?
Who told us to live our lives the way we should?
Shouldn't we be in control of that ourselves?

Let's face it,
We got "adulted" by society the moment they thought we were ready,
You can work from the age of 16,
You can drive and have a full time job by the age of 18,
You can go to school from the age of 2,5,
You can study all your life,
For a better job,
And the money you make should be spent,
On loans,
To buy a house,
And some food.

Is that the life you envisioned as a kid?
Did you dream of this?
Or were you slaying dragons?
A teenager that yelled,
"I'll never be like you!",
When your parents argued that you should change,
Get your act together.

Where are those blissful days,
Of doing nothing,
Just reading a book,
Without feeling guilty,
Without pressure or stress.

I would love to find them back...
And society has us believing,
That the only way to do that,
Is visiting therapists,
Taking pills.

I see the world around me,
And it's like I lost the pink sunnies,
That I was wearing as a kid,
Finally seeing reality as it is,
Dark and gloomy.

But again,
Isn't it the news and papers,
That points out these gloomy things?
It's like Pandora's box,
My favorite story as a kid,
Because there was hope,
The last one to get out of that box.

Let's find that hope,
That joy that we lived on,
The love we felt for everything,
And the mesmerizing world we saw,
And created around us,
Let's pick up our crayon again,
And color the world,
The way we want it to be,
Not like someone else says it should be.

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