Why a blog?

I give up, easily.
Anything. Everything.
Because of a lack of confidence.

People won't like me, laugh at me, think I'm stupid.
That is why my entire life I hid away, in dark clothes.
Black, dark blue or grey.
Anything to make me invisible.

I never used make-up in high school because I didn't know how.
My hair was always the same because I had no idea what to do with it (ponytail, tightly pulled back, in case you're curious).

When I was 18 I got married and I wanted a change.
I wanted the real me to come out.
But I still had no clue how.

At 26 I started this blog.
So that I wouldn't give up, wouldn't forget where I was going.

This is my journey, feel free to walk it with me, every step of the way.
All my failures, all my mistakes.
But also my winnings, my happy moments and my bliss.
I'll be honored to have you with me.

My mountain

PersonalPosted by Fashiondisaster Wed, April 05, 2017 15:16:45
I've been slacking,
On Instagram,
The blog,
In life.

My mind,
And soul,
Have been taken over by one thing,
In the past few months.

My mountain,
My driver's license.

For years,
People have been telling me,
To get it.

"It's your freedom", a girl I know,
"What if something happens to me, and you can't drive?", my husband,
"It would make things so easy", my grandmother,
"We could go shopping", my daughter,
"You'll regret it later", a customer.

I heard it,
I understood it,
But I didn't want it.

To me,
A car,
Is a big machine,
That is hard to control,
But I gave it a shot.

I passed my theoretic exams over three years ago,
After two years my husband started to teach me how to drive,
See how motivated I was?

It was horror for him,
Driving a girl that panicked about every single thing,
"What do I have to do?",
I shouted more than once.

He stayed calm,
Reassured me all the time,
I could do this.

Turned out,
I couldn't,
I failed,

The third time,
Was yesterday,
After multiple driving lessons from a school,
With different teachers,
That all told me,
I could drive,
And that I shouldn't worry.

As I was waiting,
To take my exam,
For the third time,
In that awful waiting room,
Holding a token for good luck,
That my daughter made,
I realized I approached it wrong,
The first two times.

All I did,
Was pray for it to be over fast,
An exam takes 40 minutes,
And it seemed like a lifetime to me,
But I got my wish,
Both exams were over quickly.

The first time took me about 15 minutes,
To get back,
The second time,
Felt like ten.

I made dumb mistakes,
Because I was so nervous.

The third time,
Had to be the good one,
If I failed,
I would face a way more difficult exam,
Because the law is changing in June,
Making it harder,
To pass,
And to keep your license if you do,
After 6 months of passing,
You'll have to take your exam,

I changed tactics,
As I was sitting in the waiting room,
This time I didn't wish for the exam to be over soon,
I wished for calm,
A good exam,
A positive result,
And a positive examinator.

My heart was pounding,
My knees were shaking,
But I'm proud to say,
I passed.

It was a surreal moment,
When I finally got that verdict,
And I'm not sure,
If it has fully sunk in yet,
That I,
Can drive a car.

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